Lebron Guns Down 3 On Way to Lane, No Foul Called

In the 3rd quarter of the Miami Heat’s Tuesday night game against the Milwaukee Bucks Lebron James produced a 9mm semiautomatic handgun from underneath his jersey and gunned down defenders Caron Butler, O.J. Mayo, and Ersan Ilyasova. No whistle was blown and Lebron was able to continue down the lane and score, giving the Heat a 75 to 73 lead. Bucks coach Larry Drew immediately called a timeout and went to complain to the referees who informed him that his team would be given a technical foul for delay of game if EMTs took too long to carry his players off the court on stretchers. Caron Butler was pronounced dead on arrival while both Mayo and Ilyasova remain in critical condition.

Witnesses were scarce on the scene as the shooting took place in Miami and the stadium had emptied when the Heat did not have the lead in the 3rd quarter. Detectives have said they are unlikely to file charges.

Frustrated by the lack of a foul call, Bucks Center Zaza Pachulia threw a retaliatory elbow at Lebron during the 4th quarter and was immediately tackled by Federal Marshals who were on scene for such an occurrence  He was charged with felony battery and attempted murder. Commissioner David Stern has announced he will receive a lifetime ban from playing in the NBA.

When contacted a spokesman for David Stern said the NBA takes the allegations of unsportsmanlike conduct against Lebron James very seriously. Potential penalties include a suspension of up to two weeks with the possibility of a reduction for good behavior or if the overnight ratings go down too much.

In his post game press conference Lebron described what went through his mind during the shooting. “I saw the play that needed to be made and I made it. Executing fundamentals is essential to basketball at this level. Sometimes the fundamentals you have to execute are opposing players.” The four time MVP also said he believes the referees were correct not to blow the whistle and is confident the NBA will not suspend him. “Hey, if they don’t call that play against Allen Iverson, why should they call it against me?”