I live in San Francisco. I should be more specific, I live in the Pacific Heights neighborhood in a penthouse valued at $15 million. I’ve lived here for about 4 months now and without a doubt this city is the worst it has ever been.
Every day, on my way to and from work at Facebook, I can look out the window of my company limo and see people sprawled across the sidewalk. I see tent cities, human feces, and the faces of addiction. The city is becoming a shanty town. Worst of all, in those brief hours I am not under the direct protection of armed guards, I feel unsafe.
This previous weekend I counted three specific incidents of harassment as well countless times I was approached and asked for money.
In the first incident I was eating a meal of filet mignon with truffle butter and enjoying a 1982 vintage Bordeaux when a homeless man outside began urinating on my Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. I ran outside and began furiously beating him with my walking stick, carved out of wood from the desk the US Constitution was signed on.
Another time I was seeing a performance of Vivaldi in my box at the War Memorial Opera House. On my way out a man asked me if I could give him a dollar to buy a meal. When I said no he began crying on me, ruining my fitted Ermenegildo Zegna suit.
Finally on Valentine’s Day as I was leaving the orgy organized by the San Francisco Board of Supervisors I was confronted by a distraught and high person. He was screaming and yelling about how The Force Awakens was really just a beat for beat rehash of A New Hope and that the final lightsaber battle was anticlimactic, He then began fist fighting a Vicente Clem mural.
I know there’s worry about gentrification, but I work hard and I shouldn’t have to see the pain, struggle, and despair of homeless people to and from my way to work every day. Perhaps we could kill them all or at least move them underground to the sewers where they would be more comfortable.